I was meant to be having minor surgery today to have a “suspicious” mole removed. I prepared myself to have it off and when I arrived at the hospital, they just did more checks and comparisons to the last time I was there. I’m so frustrated. Part of me is happy that I didn’t have to go through the pain today, but you know when you build yourself up to something and it doesn’t happen? I just want the results and to know that everything is okay. Something I do know though is that I am not going to take my skin for granted again and I will ALWAYS be looking after my skin in the sun. I have been stupid in the past and I have had some very nasty sun burns. That won’t be happening again. We are going to the Caribbean for 2 weeks in September and I will be staying well within the shade. I will have hats and cover-ups and everything else you can imagine.
For years and years I suffered from panic attacks. Sometimes they were so bad that I couldn’t even leave the house. I remember a time that I couldn’t even go to the bank to pay a cheque in because I was worried that the bank teller would judge me for getting it wrong (how can you pay a cheque in wrong?) and I would get my husband to do it for me. Going to the post office would be a big accomplishment for me. To other people, I still seemed to carry on a normal life. I helped run a student society that meant leading 20-30 people from bar to bar on nights out and to everyone else I was a confident happy person, but it was all a front, and it took a few ciders and vodka shots to get me like that. The day after, I was back to my usual self that couldn’t carry on normal tasks without having a panic attack for fear of being judged.
My point being, trips to a hospital still make me panicky. I have spend the past 3 years trying to get over my panic attacks, and whilst I still get like that on occasion, I am much better than I was. But I think anyone going to a hospital would feel a little uneasy. One thing that always helped me a little was bananas. I know it sounds weird, but it really works. My mum always told me that, and she also suffered from panic attacks. Apparently, the potassium in bananas helps calm you. So, this morning before my appointment, I had a banana smoothie. I couldn’t face a real breakfast, but I know never to miss breakfast, so this was the perfect thing to have.
I made my smoothie with a banana, almond milk, a little honey and a handful out oats with some ice and then I blended it.
So, after the disappointing hospital appointment, we came home and made our own version of subway – so much better! I made a chipotle sauce using yogurt and chipotle with a little vinegar. I am not sure I will ever go back to subway again. I avoid their meat because it is processed and their tuna is full of mayo, which is way too much. Making it yourself like this saves so much money and calories. I think I may be a little obsessed with chipotle. We sat outside to eat lunch, seeing as the UK had a rare nice weather day, and the cat joined us as usual.
Tonight I have had a night off from cooking and my husband (Dave) has been making a Makhani curry. I love that Dave enjoys cooking too, and he is so good at it, despite not giving himself enough credit, as food is always so much more enjoyable when someone else makes it.
Is there any food that you find calming?