Yup – the title pretty much sums up how I felt when I left the gym today.
As I am sure you are all fully aware now, and probably bored of hearing about, I have a knee injury. 5 weeks ago I was finishing up my last interval run and my knee just gave way and twisted and it was agony. I didn’t think too much of it and I thought as long as I rested it, it would be fine in a week. A week passed and there was not even a remote bit of improvement. The doctor said it might take a bit longer to heal, so I listened and stayed off it for another 4 weeks, which leads us to today – 5 weeks after the injury.
To be totally honest, it still wasn’t feeling any better, but I was getting so annoyed that I couldn’t work out the way I wanted to that I decided to go to the gym and see what I could do – I thought that some exercise might help it. I was still going to take it easy and start off walking on and incline and then see how I felt about running. The walk was fine, so fine that I thought I would kick it up and run.
Before I got the knee injury, I had worked my way up to running for 20 minutes straight. That was a huge achievement for me coming from being a complete beginner. Today – I could only run for 5 minutes. I ran for 5 minutes and then I just couldn’t push any further, so I stopped. It wasn’t even my knee that stopped me – it was my head as usual. Working my way up to the 20 minute run was more of a mental battle than a physical one.
So, I ran the 5 minutes and then I did a 3 minute walk before I felt ready to run again. Cue even more frustration. One of the biggest changes I found with my running improving, was how much less recovery time I needed. I was fine with 30 seconds recovery 5 weeks ago, now I need 3 minutes again?! Great!
I then attempted another 5 minute run, but this time it was my knee that stopped me again. It gave way. Not in the same way it did before, but enough to make me stop running.
Frustrated, Angry, Annoyed and Deflated!
I feel like I have lost about 10 weeks as 10 weeks ago I had just run for 5 minutes for the first time and now I am back there and I can’t even do that properly because of my knee.
I have bitten the bullet and got the number of a physio to go and see. I have put it off because, well, we all think we know our own bodies better than someone else does. I thought I just needed rest, but after 5 weeks rest and no improvement, I need to see someone about it.
I just feel so angry that I can’t do what I want to do. I spent years being overweight and putting off exercising and getting healthy and now that I have the drive to do that, my body doesn’t want to co-operate with me. Will I even be able to run properly again? I never even managed to run a 5K – I feel like I have failed myself. I feel like I am going backwards when all I want to do is move forward and reach my goals
*20 minutes later*
So, I wrote all of the above and then I read it back and I sat here and thought about it for a little while. I then realised that I need to practice what I preach. Thinking negative things and being angry with myself are not going to get me anywhere. I need to focus on the good things – like the fact that I was able to run for 5 minutes today. Even if it was just once, 5 minutes is better than no minutes and I should be pleased with that after a injury. No more pity party for me. I will go to the physio and see what they say and then take it from there. There is no good getting all worked up about it before I know what is wrong with it, and if I will be able to run properly again. If I can’t, well, I will deal with that then.
In the mean time, it is back to focusing on the exercises I can do, focusing on nutrition and trying to be as positive as I can about it.
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